Naivity

Naivity :

misplaced belief in an ability or outcome, often resulting from an epistemological deficiency or behavioural impedence during childhood

Source: Urban Dictionary

Don't take my words for it. Naivity doesn't really exist in actual dictionary. I coined up the word and accidentally found another instance of the word somewhere on the net. (Kudos to Urban Dictionary)

What is it about anyway?

I am actually thinking about how naive I actually am. I neglected to see lots of things around me as how it should be seen. I want to see them as what I want them to be. My world is a utopian haven, whereas the real world is a hundred and eighty degrees to the other side. Silly me.

Is it because I was raised up around a relatively good circle of people? My mother was very particular about how I behave to other people. I was even a "Pelajar Contoh" once. (Duh...) I had my mid-secondary school in a prolific Islamic College. I worked for Muslim Scholar Association (PUM) while waiting for my SPM result. I joined (tho not officially) Muslim Student Association (PKPIM) when I was an undergrad. I registered for an Muslim Youth Association (ABIM) membership after that. I have relatively good devout housemates for years. Up till now, I have somewhat good and dependable circle of friends around me.

Thanks to those stuff. I neglected a somewhat big part of current modern life. Life is not actually as nice.. or acceptable as it may seem to me. Drifted away from those circle of people, I'm seeing life from another side of the story. It is like another different book altogether to me.

Darn... I'm in pain.
My heart aches and my soul cringes.
I am not a holy man nor I wish to be a devil.
I am imperfect so I try hard to better myself.
Minus a little goodness, I am nobody...
but Lord, please don't let me go astray

I taught myself that no matter what I have to be honest with myself
yet, I am the person that has lied the most...
and the victim is myself.
I thought that other people should be honest with me
yet, I didn't realize that when the are...
I wasn't ready to know the truth.

My faith is now what keeps my integrity.
Praise God, for tho I am forgetful he has many ways to remind me.
Let not my heart broken asunder.
I'll be good and I'll work the wonder.



Guys... I didn't write a poem up there. I just assembled words and phrases into something legible, at least to myself. I have to shout it out somehow.

I'm actually seeing a part of reality that I missed before...
People are not always what I first perceive.
People are not always as what I perceived them.
First impression doesn't count.

I'm having a feeling like there's a thin layer of glass enveloping my cornea. I have this feeling for quite some time now. Something is crying to get out of me. I have to vomit it out. Shout it out. Puke it out. Replace the words with better terms. I don't have any better word for it. It's too disgusting yet I have to bear with it. Lord, give me strength.

This is the city. This is KL.

Hell!